Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's not fair.

Prepping for deployment is shaky ground.  There are conversations to have, paperwork to get in order, and time to spend as a family, without letting life get in the way.  Over the years, there is one phrase that sticks with me: It's not fair.

As CC and I were attempting to sort through a disagreement about some things, he asked me to tell him deep down what I want from him.  That's simple: don't go.  Ever.  Yes, I said it.  Yes, it's selfish (he asked for deep down).  But, truly, I don't know a military wife that wouldn't love to see her husband as fulfilled in his career at home as he is when he's deployed.  We know what it means and understand it's necessity.  We support our husbands through it.

But, still, it's not fair.  It's not fair that I love someone who has to leave me, who has to leave our kids.  It's not fair all of the birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, Mondays that he will miss here at home and will feel just a bit empty for us.

I know that, at this point, there are wives out there shaking their heads at me that I would dare to suggest or, *gasp* tell my husband that it's not fair.  But, guess what?  That's the honest truth.  Not the truth I have rationalized to make it through the days, but the deep down truth of how it feels when CC has to go.  As an adult, I understand that just because it's not fair does not mean that I am any less blessed. 

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