So, in preparing to deal with CC's deployment, I needed to talk to my supervisor about taking a day off work and chat with a few other coworkers about things that needed taken care of. Blah, blah, blah. The part that drives me crazy is that I feel as though they think I am going to fall apart right then and burst out in tears and wail about how I will never make it through. The pitiful looks that I get make me so uncomfortable, especially when it appears that I further disappoint them by straightening up just a little more and saying, "No need to be sorry. This is our life. We can do this."
I know that non-military families do not understand how this is for us; I know that they have the best intentions, I really do. But, I hate sharing what is going on when I feel like they are waiting on me to fall apart so that they can sweep in and rescue me. I am a private person, I handle my business and I have great friends that are there when I need some extra support. And, if I threw myself a pity party every time our lives were difficult, I would be curled up in bed most days feeling bad for myself.
And, truly, it does hurt and I do want to break down in tears in the middle of the most random things and conversations. But, I know that I can't. I know that I need to hold myself together and make it through. Make him proud of me and support him through this.
Strength party? I'll take one of those.