Monday, April 9, 2012

Pity party? No, thank you.

So, in preparing to deal with CC's deployment, I needed to talk to my supervisor about taking a day off work and chat with a few other coworkers about things that needed taken care of.  Blah, blah, blah.  The part that drives me crazy is that I feel as though they think I am going to fall apart right then and burst out in tears and wail about how I will never make it through.  The pitiful looks that I get make me so uncomfortable, especially when it appears that I further disappoint them by straightening up just a little more and saying, "No need to be sorry.  This is our life.  We can do this."

I know that non-military families do not understand how this is for us; I know that they have the best intentions, I really do.  But, I hate sharing what is going on when I feel like they are waiting on me to fall apart so that they can sweep in and rescue me.  I am a private person, I handle my business and I have great friends that are there when I need some extra support.  And, if I threw myself a pity party every time our lives were difficult, I would be curled up in bed most days feeling bad for myself.

And, truly, it does hurt and I do want to break down in tears in the middle of the most random things and conversations.  But, I know that I can't.  I know that I need to hold myself together and make it through.  Make him proud of me and support him through this. 

Strength party?  I'll take one of those.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for writing this post... So many times people don't understand that as military spouses we are strong because we have to be.

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    1. You're right. One of my sayings is: "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

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