Wednesday, May 2, 2012

More kids?

Okay, so, I need to talk about something that it definitely personal but also just never seems to resolve itself for me.  CC and I have 3 beautiful kids.  The age difference between the oldest and the youngest is 3 years...yes, that means that I gave birth 3 times in 3 years.  I never planned on 3 kids.  I had two, I was content and thought, hey, we're good with this.  But, then baby #3 came along and swept me away by surprise.  They all bring such joy to my life and I am so thankful for them...they also require a great deal from me when CC is away.

So, how do I know if I want or don't want more?

I go back and forth on an almost daily basis.  At this point, I hate to wait too much longer because then there would be such a big gap (compared to the gaps I currently have) between the youngest and any new baby.  But, then, I just don't feel ready for another.  I was anxious for the first for many reasons, and so ready for my second.  The  third, she shocked me and I had no time to contemplate having another or not.  Now, I have this time to think and wonder.

Can I handle another?  4 kids in a grocery store? doctor's appointments? sports?

Can I afford another?  4 kids to feed and clothe = $$$$


Can I provide emotionally for another?  4 kids to nurture...realistically, often alone.

Then, I think of other things.  My girls have each other.  My son could surely use a brother, right?  But, a brother 10 years younger (which is what would happen if I keep debating this and then decide yes)?  Even number of kids makes it easy to pair everybody up...silly, I know, but this is what I think of.

I just don't know.  I do know that I rambled quite a bit here, but I put some of it out there, which I needed.