Okay, so, I need to talk about something that it definitely personal but also just never seems to resolve itself for me. CC and I have 3 beautiful kids. The age difference between the oldest and the youngest is 3 years...yes, that means that I gave birth 3 times in 3 years. I never planned on 3 kids. I had two, I was content and thought, hey, we're good with this. But, then baby #3 came along and swept me away by surprise. They all bring such joy to my life and I am so thankful for them...they also require a great deal from me when CC is away.
So, how do I know if I want or don't want more?
I go back and forth on an almost daily basis. At this point, I hate to wait too much longer because then there would be such a big gap (compared to the gaps I currently have) between the youngest and any new baby. But, then, I just don't feel ready for another. I was anxious for the first for many reasons, and so ready for my second. The third, she shocked me and I had no time to contemplate having another or not. Now, I have this time to think and wonder.
Can I handle another? 4 kids in a grocery store? doctor's appointments? sports?
Can I afford another? 4 kids to feed and clothe = $$$$
Can I provide emotionally for another? 4 kids to nurture...realistically, often alone.
Then, I think of other things. My girls have each other. My son could surely use a brother, right? But, a brother 10 years younger (which is what would happen if I keep debating this and then decide yes)? Even number of kids makes it easy to pair everybody up...silly, I know, but this is what I think of.
I just don't know. I do know that I rambled quite a bit here, but I put some of it out there, which I needed.