Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Invisible

I am proud of our family.  I am proud that we go through trials and come out stronger on the other side.  I am proud that my husband is a member of the military.  I am proud of each and every accomplishment that my children achieve.

BUT, I am a quiet-type of proud.  I tend not to make a big deal of things that go on and certainly do not wish for any sort of recognition.  Military spouses are often referred to as the "silent ranks" - I get that, I do.  Yet, I wish to be more than that - invisible.

I don't need to make known how long my husband's been gone or to where or when he'll be home.  I don't want to talk about being a "single" parent as the kind woman I work with yesterday brought up.  I don't care for thanks for all that my family does -this is our life, you are thanking us for being ourselves which feels so awkward.  I almost wish they would all forget that CC is gone and treat me like a whole person and not like someone to be pitied...or that I were invisible in this way.

I know, I sound so unappreciative of the efforts to connect to me.  But, that's just it - they aren't trying to connect to ME, just the idea of what I should be as the wife of a deployed airman.  It seems like whenever there needs to be attention brought to someone or something, the information becomes assembled into this nice, neat package to deliver to everyone.  I don't fit into a pre-assigned notion of a military wife, not by a longshot.  There are some that do but I'm not one of them.

I am a strong, rather silent, take-care-of-it-all kind of woman.  I want to be reminded that I am more than a deployment (because, hell yes I am!).  I want to you to go out of your way to get to know me and, please, do it when CC's home because that shows me you're doing it for genuine reasons.  My best friends (that, by the way, are not military spouses) don't ask me how "single" parenting is going.  They don't ask me when he'll be home or count down since he's gone.  They love me for me.  They text or call to ask how my day was and listen to me fuss about the mess/kids/bills/car.  They encourage me without patronizing and mean it.  They remind me that I am strong when I don't feel like I am.  They let me be invisible when I need it because they understand me.

I guess this is just a bunch of rambling but this has been eating at me...

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