Friday, June 1, 2012

They think they know.

For many of us, it's our nature to attempt to understand the things around us.  To show some sort of comprehension and empathy for those with circumstances different from our own.  For those living lives not directly connected to the military or consumed by the world of deployment, I appreciate the want to show me that you get it and that you "understand."  BUT...

You don't.  I can try to sugar coat that and make you feel better about your lack of understanding yet I am so thankful (and jealous) that you do not have to get it, that you do not have to know what this life is like.  A lack of understanding of this lifestyle does not make you less of a person.  There are so many situations that I do not know and therefore cannot comprehend...I have never lost my husband, nor a child, I have never suffered through a life-threatening illness, or a divorce, the list goes on.  I am positive that there are things that have gone on in your life that I would not be able to fathom, which is as it should be, we are all unique and see the world through lenses tinted with our personal experiences.

That being said, there are no two military wives that approach a deployment in exactly the same manner.  Please, respect that.  Each day is new and the pain, or lack thereof, is our own.  There are days that I wake up and am ready to tackle every obstacle in front of me and it would appear that I do not miss CC.  I assure you that the pain of separation is constantly there but, some days, I am in denial, just numb or simply too overwhelmed to give in and recognize it.  There are days when I seriously consider not getting out of bed at all.  That's the truth.  Is it a truth that I wear on my sleeve for everyone to see?  Absolutely not because I want my husband to be proud of how I handle myself in all situations.

Sadly, though, so many think they know how I must feel.  If I'm not crying and falling apart, I must not miss him enough.  If I need a break to just breathe and catch up, I must be on the verge of falling apart because I miss him too much.  It is not that simple, I promise.  I also promise you that I miss my love with all that I am but love him more than that - I don't need to pronounce it publicly every day because I live my promise to love him through it all.  If you see nothing else when you look at me, see that.

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